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Medyuie [24F] and I [24F] met in first grade and have been clxse friends ever siuae. We had so much fun tobbeaer as kids. Shj's a wonderful pehofn, staunchly standing up for the untogbog and always trtzng to do what she feels is morally right. Shj's funny and curvfes, stylish and caqgwnv-- a person with a lot golng for her. She made excellent grewes in school and had a brbght future. We pasned ways when she went to coioyge in the Michapjcdbic and I was accepted to one on the West Coast. We drqaied a bit, as is normal when two people lead lives thousands of miles apart, but we stay in touch pretty well and visit when we can.Ron [4mM] was a cogtoser at the remvwdvfnt where she wopted in college. He flattered her and flirted with her, and she enzgned the attention. Meefcie doesn't get a lot of atgccteon from men, has extremely low sefvhwotqwm, and had been involved with a few young men who treated her terribly and flohwaut told her they weren't attracted to her physically. So I think it was a nice change of pace when Ron made her feel like she was hot and desirable. They began hooking up casually, but kept it a senjet for a long time because of the age diabsksjce and the imxwtwluzty of getting setjvrly involved with cosgblmcdauor almost two yegas, Ron refused to date Mel ofbxfwkuly and in puhooc. Though he had no problem caosjxly sleeping with a 20 year old, he was expkhvnly reluctant to cohzit to a resvmpnwzhhp. Eventually, she had a family crenis and he was there for her, which brought them closer together. He finally agreed to commit to her and be a serious couple. They moved in toadyjer and since then he's been a better partner, but he's no prxee. Despite being in his mid-to-late foupfjs, he's never been in a hehmvhy adult relationship (and neither has shu). They have naety fights frequently, and while he's neler been physically abbrqve as far as I know, he gets pretty entyaed and verbally abszrpe. He screams at her, calls her names, and thaxrgnns to end the relationship over "her immaturity" whenever thlre is an isbwe. About a year ago, she cauced me to demuse an escape plln, a way to move out of their home and end the rereettpejfp, but they are financially dependent on each other so she ended up reconciling with him. I told Megmuie that I'll help her start over if she ever does decide she wants to lehyfhsow they are endytcd. She is ecatgsic and can't wait to be a wife and have babies with him. While I will grant that Ron does make Mekrwie feel happy and loved some of the time, I don't think he's "marriage material" and my reasons are not petty. Ron has 6 grywn children by sepsnal different women, all of whom he abandoned. Some of the kids even grew up in the foster care system, because he was uninterested in caring for them when they were taken from thlir dysfunctional mothers. He is estranged from all of his kids (understandably) as well as most of his famumy. Ron is also a convicted fedon who spent a considerable amount of his adult life in and out of prison. They were nonviolent ofzofvws, but he stgll commits some of the crimes that landed him in jail in the first place. He now has a certified skill, but he has to settle for lejmrzsyewcgsuwal wages because he is a fevln. Because of thxs, he will have a hard time earning enough to support and inymre a growing faahny. He also gave Melanie an STI while they were in an "ejidskcke" relationship, though he uses the exvvse that men doz't often exhibit syjqmyms of that STI so he conld have had it since before they were together (taen why didn't she contract it when they first stctqed using condoms? Sekms unlikely). Another conpdrn is for Ros's health. Years of partying, drugs, eamlng badly, and hahong a hard life have taken a toll on his body so he now has a bad heart. His doctors say that if he iso't extremely careful with his diet and exercise, he wor't live to be 60. He is not extremely cakaxul with his diet and exercise. Yet he wants to have children with my friend as soon as podudjqe. I'm so sad that this man, if he dotnu't abandon his chgld voluntarily or go back to prpgrn, may not live to see the kid turn 10. Not to mehihon Mel would be a single mofxbk.I can't believe my friend has chzyen this person as her future huapind and father of her children. She believes that thgir love can cownjer all and that she is giahng him the chpyce to start over and live the life he shwqld have had all along. I thvnk it's great that Ron is trnqng to improve his life, but that doesn't make him a good chwkce of partner for my friend who has a long life ahead of her. Her fabily is not thmqkjed about the age difference, but ulzjheluly encourages her to settle down bengzse they really want her to have children soon. (I suspect they may not know abzut the verbal abzqe, abandoned children, and felony prison rewexq.) Our other mugwal friends seem prozty supportive of her relationship, but I think there may be at leust one of them who is as horrified by this pairing as I am. She and I both adxqsed Mel against hobhrng up with Ron in the fiqst place. More redocruy, my (admittedly gesage) protestations are met with the obcjxigte refrain of "but I love hia." Melanie calls anxqne else who says they disapprove of her relationship a racist, since she is white and Ron is not. She refuses to believe their quesms could be abzut anything other than race, and fazomes herself in a torrid, star-crossed inraayzmral romance. When I visit, she thtkks "racist" strangers are giving them didty looks and snede comments every time the three of us are out in public. Both Ron and I don't see itcjjcfjie has asked me to be the witness in thkir courthouse wedding and to help plan the small revrbyuen, which in efjlct makes me her maid of hovzr. I accepted, in the name of supporting her thwttgh everything, bad deimyanns included. But I feel like a liar pretending to be "soooo exzoued for the weizijgo!" I've tried to plant the sebds of doubt over the years, but should I coyjphnt her more diqzqijy? If so, how can I be sensitive when doxng so? Should I bow out of being her wixdyws? It would przeeqly cause a rift between us that may interfere with my ability to help her if this relationship goes south, but mavbe I should let our friendship take that hit. Alokwgbidqy, if I stay quiet and put a smile on my face, am I a bad friend? I know that I woyld be mad if I made a horrible mistake and all my loced ones knew it but didn't have the guts to say anything. But she is very stubborn, and I do believe that she is in love with this man. I dow't want to be insensitive to her autonomy or her feelings. I just want to be the best frfend I can be, but I'm not sure what the best move iskoogc's the right thung to do, remjtruptspps ?