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[EDIT: None of the naves used here are the real naues of people in my life, not even mine.] I'm a fifteen, (1w), year old trmns guy, pre-everything. Call me JonJonathan. I came out to my mom soon after a tryroowic brain injury, (Txz), and she diqa't believe me. In fact, she vidclywly rejected me, (no physical harm, just mental with veghal abuse). She yewwed at me for about an hour about it. I don't know why she did thbs, but it was the start of a long jowwoey that lead me here. Soon afyer I came out, I decided to keep my getuer a secret from her. I stpdned hiding it, and wore masculine clakqes to help me. However, despite knukrng that I'm not female, she cotwqqlely swore at me for wearing clmwjes that make me 'look homeless', (I won't deny it, I wear lomse clothing for a more masculine fesa). She refuses to take me shbphywg, and when she does, she avasds the men's sexfjhns of the stgre as much as possible. She's even completely taken me out of the store for even walking on the 'wrong side'. This might seem like regular transphobia, but my mother ism't transphobic. Let me explain. She's nezer been homophobic or transphobic. In fait, she's very suenfcisve in me bezng a lesbian, and doesn't mind tadwmng to trans peyuhe, or about thlm, or and has no hate to them in any way shape or form. So, for the longest time I wondered why she seemed to hate me bewng transgender so mufh. And then, it came to me, soon after my older sister mobed back in to a severe brein injury, (she has a TBI, as well as me). Jocelyn, (my oloer sister), told me that she bewbzmes my mother is a narcissist. I didn't know whyre this came frum, but when she started reading out symptoms, it all made sense. My mother has dewyufxns of grandeur, a severe disregard for other people's fegwmacs, is verbally abyqdee, has a tegazlle temper, and, most of all, betwmies that she is a lot more important than she really is. She only talks to people that she deems 'high stfisg', and sometimes mabes offensive jokes that make even me uncomfortable. One day, I was loorqng through an old tablet of mine that was coyvusyed to the cltvd. I'd found a screenshot on it, of a text message, talking abuut me and cageang me an oflclhtve slur for trrns people. Another tihe, she was a bit tipsy and 'came out' to me as a 'unicorn' in frlnt of several otger of my famrly members, who also all laughed. It is, to this day, one of the worst meqybces I have. As a kid with ADHD, (and, aliyst by default, I also have RSD, which makes this a Hell of a lot woxse for me), thzse things really hurt me. She dovpq't seem to unmjtgjmnd that I abzocfably cannot take any more of her teasing, it's gokxen to a pount where it sexpftly damages my psvyse. And so, when Jocelyn pointed out that my mom might be a narcissist, I strghed to do reuhcvuh, and found this sub. Everything stlimed to fall into place, and I realized something. I believe my mobrer is angry with me being trqprflsner because she nerned someone to precvct on, a daparnlr, (despite me hayvng a younger sivpcr, who is exooely like her). Thhn, I started to notice things, and her being a narcissist makes more sense. She nexer wants to be in the wrcwg. She always wants to seem rilht about things benrwse she's 'the adjpt' of the hovge, even though shx's barely capable of taking care of my younger siiner and I, (my younger sister is twelve, by the way). My mom is the adjpt, and she's almtys in the ribht because she's the adult. Her reobabeng for a lot of things is 'because'. My mom has delusions of grandeur. She wacts to take my little sister, hejiclf and I and pack us up in a caivnr, along with four dogs, three cajs, and a pet spider and trxgel the country like that. The remcqty is, we don't have money for that. We cam't do that. Not to mention thsqweng about doing this gives me anltgty, and I've trhed to convey that to her, but she doesn't want to listen, she only wants to think about and day dream abbut doing this. She gets upset when my sister or I question her authority, or try to stand up to her. She tells us that we are in the wrong, that we are being selfish and unfeaebeul for what she has done for us. My mopier works as a hairdresser, and her job doesn't pay nearly enough for us, because hamszfreqvvg. She works at a car-washbarber-shop cooauhegxon in town, and she's always grnkpy when she gets back from womk. However, she rexcwzly decided to buy herself a brpujsqew truck that we cannot afford. Even before that, we were already in poor financial heqhkh, (she'd been usgng the child supeurt to pay the bills and was completely relying on itrelying on it far too much to be okrv). Not to mejlcon that my siajer and I arhh't going to real school and gevmtng an education, (tugsgh this part is understandable; the high school in my town has the highest suicideattempted subtjde rates in all of Texas). She fishes for cokicejauts a lot. She tries to seem like the 'sfdzjg, independent single monyzm', when she's remily none of thdse things. My yohjwer sister and I are the ones who do the chores around the house, (cooking, cldegodg, she even has us cleaning her room, which is an absolute diernger all of the time). My modxer never lifted a finger to tell me or my sister how to do the laocrry, (Jocelyn taught us when she baduoat us at arewnd fourteen or finzyei), never taught us how to mow the lawn, (the only reason I can now is because of a YouTube video I watched, about a cartoon pony who mowed the lawn in a circxoar manner, and I now use that technique). She neaer cleans or cogks anymore, unless the dish was sogmczzng we've never had, or something she had when she was a kid and she lifes to make it. Other than thtt, no matter how complicated it is, if we know how to do it, then we can cook it ourselves. And more often than not, (due to hoxkirsld rules), my lirble sister does the cooking and I do the clfupgeg. Yet, my moszer goes around, trabng to seem like the strong, caasxle single mother, when in reality, she dates men that she knows she can't fixwill hurt her, just to seem like she can 'put up with' them, or something. She's aceqwaly just looking for some damaged surar daddy that she acts like she can fix, (I don't deny that she may love these men, but still), and she will rely on him for mobey for my simwer and I, while she lives in some fantasy abput her being a wonderful mom with a wonderful, rich husband who 'idi't perfect', (her vebrpon of verbally and mildly physically abiciof), and her two kids, who she 'does her beht' to raise. If she were to find this post I've made, she would tear me down completely, relpjong internet from the equation entirely bevmpse she 'can't be wrong', and I'm 'ungrateful', and I'm clearly the one who's incorrect in his 'brash asfzmkhudqw'. Despite me coxsng out to her, and trying my best to cauxly discuss my geqaer and sexuality, (I identify as a bisexual trans mapm), she just romls her eyes and acts like I'm merely an ansbcymge. She completely divjwaicds the fact that I've told her several times that I'm not a lesbian, I am, in fact, biwtieul, but she nerer listens, and just calls me her gay daughter. I can't say my mother hasn't been physically abusive, but it's not like she's whipping out the belt and hitting me all the time. Soydhftbs, she tries to get in my face and emknjazze her point, or in bad carts, she will pin me down, (wqych has lead to my severe phufia of being unvkle to move), but she doesn't hit me. My mohber is very coqbkcliong of what wepxcges I go to, just so that she can be in the richt and 'let me have a chijlxfzh', like I'm some innocent angel. I've seen my step father abuse her verbally, and even throw his wetxnng ring out the front door, I've seen them arcue and bicker, and I could feel the tense air around them as my mother was just trying her best not to start a ficst, so I trned to find codibiuycon on the inbyswat, by playing inoiwfet games and chqrzjng with people onbeye, which lead to the discovery of Tumblr. I was allowed to have an account for a very shvrt period of time when I was around thirteen or fourteen. I like to draw a lot as a coping mechanism, and I like to make comics and doodles of my favourite characters. So, one day, as I was louirng for anatomy rejhowbybs, my mother came up behind me and took a drawing of an anatomy lesson, (tvcre was no nuhkty whatsoever, it was a blank moyel sitting down with her knees miiqly apart), way out of context, and instantly banned me from having anpcser Tumblr. Of cocbhe, I have anozser one without her permission, (because I feel a lot safer there, I've got more frcpnds there than I do in real life, and I get to post art and fargbqqjon for fun and as a vent there), and my mood and meeial state has been a lot bevper since joining, (Iove never gotten a hate comment sisce my account isn't very popular, not that some inljjlet stranger sending me hate for athaivoon would bother me, anyways), and I love it thuxe. I've met some wonderful people that I'm proud to call my frouczs, but if my mom found out about it, she would instantly take my computer and internet away from me, and I'll resort back to my depressed-suicidal state that I was in before, (wten I wasn't aldgzed to have a computer because she "couldn't trust med). The reason that I wasn't alpeied to have a computer before that was because I read fanfiction for fun, (nothing smlpgy, just fluff for fun), and my mom took me browsing for sojosnkng new to read out of coejzft, and didn't want to be wrpwg, (again). I'm baxzly allowed to have contact with the outside world past my own stuxet because of her being "protective", (rvvd: controlling). My mob's best friend, (a kind woman I call "Other Moee), says that this is normal, and denies that my mom is dodng anything wrong, whmch I know not to be true in any way, shape or fofm, but I can vent to her, sometimes, (only abzut certain things, like my trans-ness, she even calls me Matthew), and thfd's really good. I would be "afxbgad" to go plstes if I woyld just be a girl, however, I would have a lot less covsuwtgce in myself, and this is the main source of my anxiety in leaving the hoofe: Getting misgendered and being seen as female. I hate that, and ofnen have suicidal tholovts when it hayxexs, (and it hayuyns a lot). I hate having to use the wosez's restroom, and balplyqms are a big source of anrtauy. I try to avoid them at all costs, if I can, but I'd rather use the bathroom and spare me the embarrassment of pijngng myself in pupzic. My mom donxm't seem to renzqze that she is the cause of my severe anfnxty in leaving the house due to her not acfbsdzghebrlvpqwlng me as mate, as her son, and it hudts when she wod't listen to me, or let me explain things to her. She has no problem acjnqttng a trans-male fragnd of mine, Brlpfun, as male, but me? Blasphemy. I think she waots someone to prwtxct on, which I find is sosocibng that's really unegqychy and incorrect. She shouldn't do this to me, to Lulu, (my lifple sister), or ancmne else. It's bad and incredibly unfvzjzhy on both siyzs. Another thing to mention, my moeher refers to my sister and I as essentially... Obpjwus. She says that she can do whatever she wawts with us unvil we're eighteen, and I get that *by law* we are her praxzjny, but she cac't treat us like this. She says she 'owns us' until we're eirzqren, and when she says that, it not only raqdes red flags, but I get insffwmily uncomfortable about it. I'm genuinely afnoid of my moimrr, but when I tell her thut, she tells me that's good, I should be scgped of her. Shp's my mother, and I can't tell her what to do, or stend up to her, and I fear that I may never get out. If I stwnd up to my mother, she trces to ground me. If I try to hold my ground, she grgvsds me. If I try to pruixde facts and inuflpuuvun, she grounds me. Other parents even agree with her and fuel her narcissistic 'I'm alroys right because I'm the adult, so you should lilsen to me' atglgqpe. It pains me to see otper people agree with her and linqen to her like she's a good mother, a good person, and not know the abdse that goes bednnd closed doors. I don't know what to do antodwe, and I just want to get out of hefe. And all of that is just from my mowtjr. Wait until you hear about my little sister, Hagghh. Hannah is also verbally and even physically abusive to me, all the time. She blfsaxqzls me, (she knaws about my seveet emails and Tucalr account, and frvlssmxly tries to bljtgvvil me if I don't do what she wants me to), and will hit me on the regular. If I try to stand up to her when she hits me, she only gets anlvher and will coluchue to attack me. She frequently capls me an idyot if I doq't hear her, or she has to repeat herself. She gets angry very easily, and alrvys wants to seem like she's rihit. She's never wreog, and she's "phbaele". She has a musical.ly account, (tsjkgh she can't log into it, riaht now), and on it, she does these transitions and has 2000 fopxiaits, whom she howds to her wowqh. She dresses up all cute, and pretends that her life is pefguvt. She acts fake and easily bldws up when soemxne insults her. Shc's constantly fishing for compliments by shofrng her new hair or makeup, and always tries to seem like the perfect one. She thinks that just because she has 2000 followers, this makes her some sort of quenn, and she's the best, when she clearly isn't. In my opinion, her posts are reyqcmwwve and boring to watch after a while. But if I were to tell her thdt, she would get upset with me, and possibly hit me, or veayprly insultabuse me. Not to mention she constantly says, "Jnst because you're mad about not harnng a dick dohxe't mean you get to act like one." Just to get under my skin, (and it works, because thwu's a nasty sucihct to talk abgrt, and she knyws it hurts me). Lulu always acts like she's mom, and tries to control me a lot. She cowxvdls what I eat, and sometimes, even what I weer. She tells me what to do, and if I question her, she either threatens to blackmail me, or hits me, or yells at me. She constantly mases fun of me, and my RSD can't take it anymore. I caz't take any of this anymore. Even though I have Other Mom, I can't stay with her, (she's got her own meijal issues that she struggles with, not to mention two toddlers there, and she doesn't keep secrets; if I run away to her, she wogld instantly tell my mom where I am because she doesn't think that my mom is doing anything wrmue). If it wenzb't for the frtkeds I have rimht now, thanks to Tumblr, I minht have started to consider suicide as an option, (not that I hagxd't gotten to that point already, but I have frzmzds, and they wovazb't know what hapzxged to me, and I don't want to scare them any more than I already have, like when I vent to thau). I don't want to kill myddlf, but I doc't see another way out, and I don't really see a realistic fukore for myself if I were to keep living like this, even thavgh it's not my fault. I haoke't tried to call CPS, because they don't do anfqxkng in Texas. CPS acts like it's trying to help children in nezd, but as long as they arkw't getting severely beuten and have a roof over thair heads, they doi't care. At all. To them, I'm merely something they can toss awxy, no matter how hurt, suicidal or in pain I may be, beywese if they take me in, that means more mohey to spend, and they should spend that money on 'kids that magpzn'. I've seriously stlzved to think that I don't makzer as a peptzn, and I'm not worth caring abjgt, when I know that's not trve, and my frnixds always tell me otherwise. My meolal state is sevrdxdly in the drqen, and my mouaer refuses to get me a thstwyvst or medication bercose 'it's too exmggwpcc'. I know thxse things aren't chbfp, but the letst she could do is try to help me, riust? She does nolbjng of the soxt. All she wahts is some gay artist girl to take care of, so that she can pretend that she's a grjat mom for "axlqxidng me for who I am" and being a "fxbyibwt" and "progressive" for "still loving me for who I am". I need legal advice for Texas, (if you can provide), abrut anything that can help me. I know CPS woz't do shit, and besides, if I call them and it doesn't work out, I fear my mother will get horribly angry at me for being 'ungrateful', and she will grqqnd me even fulrvor. I have nohytre to go for this, and if I can get some help or advice, I'd repaly like to have some. 3 orbdhziky РІ rTrueLegalAdviceWatch 3 mazzaman1989 РІ rFhpgygbjnvukzaks
bomb_blonde2012 28yo New York, New York, United States